Smoke in the kitchen

Around early 2021, probably, I was on the phone with an airline, trying to rebook plane tickets for a vacation we hadn't been able to go on during COVID. L was in the kitchen, cooking dinner. When I got off the phone, I stood up and went into the kitchen, happily announcing that I'd been successful and we were going to be able to go on our vacation soon.

When I walked into the kitchen, I found it full of smoke, and L standing at the stove, stirring something in a pan, completely silent. She hadn't responded to my comment about the vacation at all.

Very calmly, although a little surprised, I said, "Oh," and I went over to open the windows and the sliding glass door to let the smoke out.

I think I turned to her and asked if she was okay, but I don't really remember.

It took another couple of seconds for her to un-freeze, and at that point my mind was kind of thinking something was a little off, and then she looked at me.

L: "I...I thought you were going to yell at me."

Me: "Uh. For what?"

L: "Filling the kitchen up with smoke. My mom would have yelled at me."

Me: "Right. Okay. So, first of all, everyone fills the kitchen with smoke at some point in their life. I've done it, my mom has done it, everyone does it. Not a big deal. People don't have smoke detectors in kitchens because it's so common.
Second, no harm done! We're just going to open the windows and turn on the vent and let the smoke leave the room."

L, taking some deep breaths: "Okay. Got it."

Me: "So you know, the problem is that you're cooking with the cast iron, which gets VERY hot VERY quickly, so you have to keep the burner lower than you would for non-stick pans. Don't turn it above medium or so and you'll be fine."

L: "Oh. Okay."

Me: "You...you do know, in your non-panicked moments, that I wouldn't yell at you about this, right? It was just a trauma response, not a real, actual fear?"

L: "Yes! Definitely!"

A couple days later, L tells me that she was telling this story to some of her friends, and someone responded that of course I shouldn't get mad at her while she was literally cooking dinner for me!

L: "...which obviously I know! But--"

Me: "Um. Nope, hold on, back up. Me not getting mad about you getting smoke in the kitchen has absolutely nothing to do with whether you were cooking for me. You could have been planning to cook entirely for yourself and leave me to handle my own meal, and it would have nothing to do with the smoke. The whole point is that making a mistake while cooking and getting smoke in the kitchen is NORMAL and FINE and NOT something to get mad about ever. You open the windows, let the room air out, hope the smoke detector in the hallway doesn't go off because it's annoying, and you learn to not turn the heat up so high. That's it."

 L: "Hmmmmmmm. Is this how normal families interact?"

Yes.